January 30, 2011

Another day, another outlook. A fresh one! The sunshine has helped us both feel much better this weekend. I guess last week what I had was a bad case of battle fatigue. It happens, and when it does faith and friends kick in. We thank you all for the beautiful words and love.

I use this page to journal my thoughts and feelings, and to reflect on what is happening to me and others who make this journey. When I share what’s going on, I hope it helps others express their feelings, or helps family and caregivers understand what’s going on. I can’t tell you all how much you mean to us. I am NOT a remarkable person. Any strength I have comes from you. Honestly. And as I said in the last post, talking to Dr. Smith about other treatment options (if we have to switch) was reassuring in many ways. There’s news about Faslodex, the shot I used to do. They have discovered that double doses of it do lots of good. Just a little joke–Faslodex is a shot in the backside. It’s intramuscular, so it is painful. He asked if I could stand shots in each hip every month. OK, I think these hips can handle it! Thank you hormone therapy and reduced activity, for the extra weight. Oh yeah–I’d lost 6 lbs. last week. Celebrate the little things!!!!!!!!!

The sunshine has been a super blessing this weekend. Mike has been able to take Lucy to the Dog Park both days (if you know him you know this is his idea of heaven; a boy and his dog :-} ). Saturday was made for brunch at Waffle House (pecan waffle therapy, hee hee) and a trip to Sam’s. Followed by a trip to Hobby Lobby for photo storage boxes. Last week I finally took the plunge and went into the blanket chest that my mother kept newspaper clippings and papers in. TREASURE! Under the clippings I found photos that I thought she had thrown away. She went through these pictures at a time in my life when I was not feeling well and didn’t pay close attention when she wanted to talk to me about them. And she was having some confusion at that point. But as we learned, she was never as confused as some people thought. Her medicine did some strange things to her reasoning, but I swear, her memory was better than mine is now. (Chemo brain, plus hormone therapy. Topped by not good memory from day 1 = bad news!) Anyway, I found pictures of me with my grandfather (precious, because he passed away when I was 4); pictures of Mom and her childhood and college friends; pictures of grandparents’ families; and even a picture of my dad when he was about 10 or 12 (a real rarity). What a treasure. So, now I get to go through them, try to identify them (many had fallen from scrapbook pages and the writing was gone–that’s what she threw away). And, I can send duplicates to friends and family far away. It should be a real treasure for Mike to see, too. He’s not seen that many pictures of my grandmother. Especially the ones of her with Mom as a baby. Talk about that warm fuzzy feeling.

Saturday night was spent with friends watching Western’s men win game #4 in a row. They seem to be getting themselves together. It’s so good to see them playing together, as a team. They look like they’re enjoying themselves, and getting results in the bargain. It was a great night. Way to go, guys! And the company was delightful. Thanks, Lou, for sharing your home and your hospitality.

Today we had a wonderful message at church, on mercy. Pastor Paul made me feel so good inside. Let me say one very important thing about this whole mess: I am at peace with the situation. I’ve never really had the “why me” philosophy. I mean, I’m certainly no better than anyone, and I could never say why me over anyone else. So the way I cope is to grow closer to God and friends, and come to peace.

And though I’m on choir hiatus until after the spelling bee (imagine that–staying super busy the next 3 weeks), I enjoyed the music and was able to be with wonderful friends. We receive so much strength from our Sunday group. What a wonderful group of people.

I just wanted to get on and thank everyone again for all the good thoughts after Friday’s little rant. And don’t be too hard on the radiologist. Who among us hasn’t made a mistake? I make more than my share. As I told someone after thinking about it–they are incredibly busy at the clinic. Flu season, plus the snow forced everyone to cancel appointments and reschedule all at once. I can certainly wait a couple more days while they catch up.

Here’s to another good week for everyone. I know it’s going to get cold–but no more snow for a while. (Hey, I bought new boots yesterday–I’m good with a little more cold weather so I can show them off.) But the snow can stop. Like for about 10 months. I think we’re good for this year.

I’m rambling. I promise I’ll post when we get the results.

Love and blessings to all. Continued prayers for Aaron and Danette Neel, Leslie Priest, and now for Liz Lyons. And special blessings to Elizabeth.