February 22, 2011

OK, back to bright colors today. We are on the road to kicking this thing!

We did the MRI Sunday morning. Guess what–they don’t turn the machine on until you get there. Guess they’ve been stood up before. Anyway, it takes at least 1/2 hour to warm up. Meanwhile, at 8:00 I went for labwork (got there at 7:00, remember). I was fine; I’d brought my book. Mike was dozing off and on while playing Sudoku. He was also hungry–didn’t eat before going. The little girl at the desk brought him a banana and oatmeal cream pie, and there was coffee in the lobby. She was really, really sweet. Hats off, Medical Center, on customer service! Finally went back to begin the MRI. It was FREEZING in there. So they gave me two of those wonderful heated blankets they have at the Medical Center (I want those things at home!). The little girl running the machine said she’d come get it in a few  minutes, because I would get hot. Ha! She didn’t know me well. Every time she asked if she could have it I said absolutely not. Dear sweet little innocent thing, not all of us over 50 are hot all the time. She was funny…………

Anyhow, they did two pictures. Did one scan, and then injected dye and did another. I felt like I’d been on a battle field after it was over. Gees that machine is loud. But I was determined to be a good patient (channeled Susan Shreve for that). It wasn’t too bad. Except laying on that hard slab made for a looonnng day the rest of the day. Ow! ;+}

Went to work Monday for a little over 3 hours. It nearly did me in. Hard to get back in focus, after all the medicine and just being alone for so long, plus the backache. The normal roadblocks–class needing to be moved, client having trouble registering, etc.–were almost more than I could take. I thought I was going to burst into tears at any minute, over the simplest of things. Mike’s words when he picked me up: You look washed out. And that’s how I felt. Like a limp dishrag.

This morning we went to Dr. Smith and got the test results. Yes, I was nervous. I know we had just had a scan and it was OK, but in the back of your mind you can’t help it. And Dr. Smith was somewhat solemn about the whole thing. The MRI showed exactly what we knew–I HAVE CANCER. lol. But it’s still the same as on the bone scans. No changes. And no compression of the spine, a danger with cancer in the back. All we can figure, since there’s nothing showing anywhere, is that stumbling and jerking to catch myself set off a chain reaction of sorts. I certainly learned a lesson from it all. I will take it easy and walk a little more purposefully. I’ve always walked somewhat quickly and taken steps kind of quickly. No more. Now I’ll use the caution I need to. Well,hope so anyway.

I plan to stay home most of the week, just to get going again. I am staying up a little longer each time I get up. Meanwhile I did bring some things home to work on, to keep in the game. Plus, I can read a lot. And I seem to be napping a good bit. I hadn’t been sleeping well at all, while the back was really bad. I’m now playing catch up. A good thing.

This has been another of those experiences that makes me feel so blessed. So many good friends stepped in to help last week with work and here at home. Notes of support and calls have meant the world to us both. Pep talks from friends have been invaluable. Debbie Youngman–here is a special shout out to you. Thanks for special words of wisdom today before I went to the doctor. They helped!

This has been one of the most emotional experiences of the whole cancer ordeal. The last two weeks I’ve had to learn to accept what I can’t change, not always an easy concept for me. It’s humbling to be so seemingly powerless and helpless. Perhaps that’s part of the plan. I needed a little reminder that I’m not in charge. God is, and He is taking the time to slow me down, and I think it’s time for me to listen.

I plan to continue to recuperate at home this week, and go back to Dr. Smith in a month for a check up. Sooner if need be. But the pain is easing. Just trying to regain energy and strength now. Thank you all for thoughts and prayers. It is appreciated.

Love Always, and Blessings, Anne